Step Out Of The Shadows And Into The Light
by wholocker78218
Summary: It's Christmas Eve and all James wants is to dance with Thomas.


Drinking champagne in Alfred Hamilton's mansion isn't exactly how James McGraw thought he would be spending Christmas Eve. Watching various British MP's and Lords chat about how wealthy they are, and which overly expensive holiday home they will be spending the New Year in did not bring him any festive excitement or entertainment. Instead, he stood watching the couples on the dance floor, the men in their expensive tailored suits and their wives in elaborate but beautiful dresses. James watches as even posh gits like these stare adoringly (in most cases anyway) at their partners, holding them close and lovingly for all the world to see.

It makes something inside him ache, a part of him that wishes to say 'fuck it' and grab Thomas's hand and lead him to the dance floor, to hold the love of his life close and sincere and dance the night away, ignoring the stares and gasps of everyone around them. If only that were possible, as much as he knows Miranda would cheer him on and Thomas would love to stop hiding them away, the consequences of those actions would end in their ruin. Thomas would be disowned by his father, he and Miranda would be torn apart by the press and James would most undoubtedly lose his position as Lieutenant for leading scandal to the Navy's door. No, the cost to declare their love would be their damnation, the end of their careers.

There is a voice in James's head, telling him that being able to tell the world that Thomas is 'his' is worth destroying his career. That finally being able to go out into the world holding Thomas's hand is worth all the suffering the press would have them endure, the articles degrading the relationship as an illicit affair or a dirty secret, their names being dragged through the mud by those who only care about the money they would make by scandalising their love. It wouldn't matter how they showed it, the world would never be able to see the depths of their relationship, they would focus only on the years of secrets and lies used to keep it hidden.

So, he watches the couples dance, he watches them with green envy in his eye and goes to retrieve himself a stronger drink, a long night ahead.

-X-

On the other side of the room, Thomas stands with Miranda, listening as a man tells them of how rich he is without actually stating the words. Thomas's eyes wander the room until he spots red hair and a well-fitting suit, James stands by a marble pillar, his eyes never leaving the dance floor and Thomas wishes to escape, the walk up to his love and lead him to the floor to dance away the world. He ignores the consequences it would bring and remembers how James smiles at him, and him alone, and he knows in his heart that to see that smile as they held each other close in front of everyone here would be worth every consequence that would follow. He doesn't notice when the man walks away but he feels Miranda's hand wrap around his wrist, directing his attention to her.

The second their eyes meet he can see that she knows what is going through his mind, they have always been like that, their minds work so well side by side, knowing each other, as well as they, know themselves. He wishes he could love her the way he loves James, but he knows that as easy as that would make their lives, it is not something they would want for each other. She loves him the way he loves her, so much but not enough. They both deserve more, James is the other half of his soul and without him, he would not survive. Miranda has that someone out there, she need only find them.

"Go to him," she says, and together they look to James.

It is clear to both of them the despair on the man's face, to the world he looks indifferent, a mere mask to which only the can see through. They see the envy, the heartache because they feel it too, the three of them wish for the hiding to end, the secrecy to no longer be required. They could do it now, a Christmas present to each other, freeing them to bask in the love they deserve, for the world to see that love, to say goodbye to the portrait they painted to mask their personal lives.

"Will it all be worth it?" Thomas asks. "Everything that will follow, will it be worth it?"

Miranda looks at him, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, her eyes looking deep into his, "My dearest, Thomas. You already know the answer to that question."

Thomas closes his eyes and then looks back to James, he feels his heart pulling him towards the other man, as it has always done since the moment they met, the draw of their souls to become whole together.

"What will you do?" He asks.

He will destroy his career in a heartbeat for James, but he needs to know Miranda will survive the fall with them. Miranda pauses, her eyes shining.

"I will find my James. And then I'll come back to my boys and we will live the rest of our lives in the sun, not the shadows," her voice is full of conviction and hope.

"Why does this feel like a goodbye?" He asks because it does, he feels as though he is saying goodbye to his best friend.

"It is a goodbye, my dear," she says and Thomas holds her hand to his face, not willing to let go. "I am saying goodbye to my husband, and you your wife, this is an ending, not of a book but a chapter. Our life as man and wife has reached its end, but your life with James is only just beginning, you can't live it in the darkness, a love like that shines too brightly to stay hidden. As for me, I feel I deserve to find my own truest of loves, do I not?" She finishes.

"Of course you do, you deserve to be truly happy, you always have. I'm sorry it couldn't have been with me," he says, the words sticking to his throat with regret, he knows she chose to stay with him, that he did not force her into this life of secrets and lies.

"Oh, my darling. You have made me happy every day since I met you, I do not, and never will regret a moment of our life together. But, the time has come to find my light in the dark, and I cannot do that as your wife. Now, go to him and start your life together out of the shadows."

Thomas brings the hand cupping his cheek to his lips and leaves a kiss on her palm, a goodbye from her husband, but not from her closest and most beloved friend.

His eyes find James once more, he has not moved from the pillar and his eyes have not left the dancing couples. He strides through the crowd, a look of determination on his face, the crowd parts for him as though by his will alone. When he reaches James, the man's eyes jump to his, and he pushes off the pillar to stand straight, his height slightly shorter than Thomas's. He tries to hide the emotions on his face but he and Thomas share a soul, nothing can be hidden from one another.

"Dance with me," a statement not a question, James's eyes cloud up in disbelief and confusion.

"Have you forgotten where we are?" James responds, his eyes darting around the room to ensure no one is listening in to their conversation.

"I know exactly where we are, I know exactly what the consequences will be. Dance with me in front of them all. I don't care what they say, I don't care what my father says. It's Christmas Eve and I want to dance with the man I love without fear of being discovered. I love you, James McGraw, I'm sick of hiding it and I know you are too. Dance with me," Thomas says, and he can see the hope in James's eyes before it is clouded over with guilt.

"What about Miranda?" James asks.

"She deserves to be truly happy, and as much as she loves us, we cannot offer her the happiness we share," Thomas replies, stepping closer to James, their bodies almost touching but they no longer care about the world around them. "James McGraw, my truest love, please dance with me."

Instead of replying, James deposits his glass of whiskey on a passing waiters tray and takes Thomas's hand. Thomas smiles at his lover, and leads him to the dance floor, pulling them so they are chest to chest, their hands clasped together, one arm around the others back and the being to slowly move back and forth. Their temples pressed together, their eyes closed to the world. Thomas can hear the whispers, he can feel the air change as the other dancing couples stop to clear the space around the two men dancing together. But he doesn't care, and neither does James, they dance until the music stops hours later, content in each other's arms, together as one for the first time in the light.

When they finally stop, their eyes opening until the can only see each other, everything about them in sync.

"I love you, James McGraw."

"I love you, Thomas Hamilton."


End file.
